Don't panic.....I'm just updating my blog!

BEWARE:  This is LONG.  You know I have almost 6 months to write about....but that will have to wait for another post.  I'm going to write about the last two weeks.  I'll get to the other stuff another night....or not.  heehee

So, here's the latest and greatest in my life.  I recently received a new calling; Primary Chorister.  YIKES!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, I have always been terrified of this calling so much that I almost turned it down when they asked me.  I know I shouldn't admit that, but hey, I'm human.  And don't get me wrong, I LOVE music.  Everything about it.  I love to play it; sing it (not that I have a great voice or anything); dance, clean and exercise to it; I can even lead and direct it.  But teach it?  And to a huge bunch of crazy little kids, some of which are my own?  I had so many reasons why I shouldn't accept this calling; namely, Tanner.  Tanner doesn't love singing time.  He cries every time he has to go.  He won't sing, but that's not surprising since he's still behind in his speech.  And I subbed in this calling (I got the phone call 15 mins. before leaving for church) a few months ago and Tanner literally hung onto my leg(s) the ENTIRE time.    How hard was that?  I'm pretty sure they should have just had one of our amazing Primary Pres. members get up and take over. 

Hmmmm.... I truly had to think and pray about this for a week before giving my answer.  I think I would have taken longer, but the previous chorister had moved over a month before they even asked me.  They were obviously getting a little desperate to find someone, and I didn't think it nice to keep them waiting too long.  So I went to the temple to see if I could find peace in the answer I always knew I'd give.  Have I found any peace?  No.  Do I love my new calling?  No.  Do I want to love my new calling?  I hope so. 

I've officially survived 2 weeks so far, and tomorrow will hopefully be another survival day.  But what's really weird for me; I look forward to going to church every Sunday.  Why, if I dread my calling so much?  And then Sacrament is over.  And I know I have to go in the Primary room, and I realize that I'm the one that spends the most time in front of these wonderful children.  Then I start to sweat....literally.  I get so nervous I forget words to songs.  I get all flustered and forget what I was going to say, and I act all weird and teenagerish (that's not even a word....see what I mean; weird).  Ugh!!!  And I can't even think about leading the Primary program or I may break out in hives. 

So Sunday comes, and Sunday goes.  I survive.  And Monday comes and goes; and Tuesday's half-way through, and I realize I haven't even thought about what I'm going to do for Singing Time the next Sunday.  I probably shouldn't freak out yet, because it's just Tuesday and not Saturday night or something, but wrong.  I'm not sleeping well at night because I can't stop thinking about how I should teach a new song to a room full of kids.  What posters am I going to have to create this week?  Do I have time to create posters?  What happens if I have extra time after teaching a song?  Do I have a back-up game/plan?  Oh, man, I better just get up out of bed and write down my thoughts so I can hopefully get some sleep.  Because it is only 2:30 a.m., and I still want to get up at 5 so I can go to the gym to work off some of this extra stress.  Seriously, this has been my thought process the last couple of weeks.  SO dramatic, I know.

Oh, I sure hope this calling gets easier.  It's so time consuming right now.  I SOOOO need to get organized and figure this out because I really need more sleep.  Well, the Lord obviously knows my thoughts and helped me out.  This last Wednesday night, when I should have been making dinner, but wasn't, I found a cute website that had a blank month-long-plan for Singing Time.  I printed it out and took almost 3 hrs. to fill it in, because quite frankly, I have no idea what songs the kids know or don't know.  I kept singing random songs as I was flipping through my Children's Songbook, and asking my primary-aged children, "Do you know this one? How about this one? What others do you know?"  I now have a good start of a list of songs to use, so I don't feel like I'm always using the same ones.  And I have a whole month of general songs (you know opening/closing, wiggle, reverent, welcome and birthday songs) planned out.  Now I just have to focus on the "Monthly song" and how I'm going to teach it each week.

Through it all, I have felt these types of little answers to my prayers.  I never thought I'd have an original idea of my own in this calling (I am completely okay with using other people's successful ideas), but I have had a few.  Shocked?  Yes, but I shouldn't be because I know the Lord hears my prayers and answers them.  I'm so grateful for that, too.  That was the ONLY reason I said yes to this calling that I hope I learn to love.  And as for Tanner?  He sits with his class and doesn't hang on my legs like I thought he would.  Another prayer answered.